Heads of State to Lecture Congress

Benjamin Netanyahu’s speech before Congress started me thinking. He wanted to tell them how we should negotiate (or not) with Iran. Wow! What a great idea! The United States is so insular in its understanding of world problems, not to mention how to handle our own.
So, when I’m elected to the Senate, I propose that we get advice from a different world leader every month. Here is a list to start off with:
1. Enrique Peña Nieto of Mexico, Juan Orlando Hernandez of Honduras and Otto Fernando Pérez Molina of Guatemala could start things off as a group, telling us what’s wrong with our immigration policies and how we can fix them.
2. King Salmon of Saudi Arabia will speak on police reform. This will mean that all female members of Congress either wear a burka or, better, stay home that day. He will explain how soft we are on crime. Larceny drops to nothing when thieves have their hands chopped off. Stoning adulterers creates an incentive to stable family life. And flogging rape victims will teach women not to go anywhere on their own. If women can’t be found, they can’t be raped, except of course, by relatives. Oh, I know his name sounds like a fish, but Salmon is a version of Solomon.
3. For those who aren’t stirred by Saudi justice, François Hollande can come next and explain that having affairs while in office is fine, just arrive for the assignation on a Harley, not the back of a motor scooter. Our representatives will take notes and may even forgive him for being a socialist.
4. As the next election draws near, Goodluck Jonathan of Nigeria will be in great demand for his technique of manufacturing a crisis so that voting needs to be postponed until his popularity numbers are up. For that he could be named an honorary citizen.
5. Angela Merkel would speak on economics, pointing out where the government can save money. She’ll also comment on the importance of having an unlisted phone number.
6. Vladimir Putin concludes the first year of lectures. (I know this is only six but you must remember how rarely Congress meets) It may be hard to get him to keep his shirt on but it will be worth it to learn the purity of his intentions. He only wants to rebuild the Russian/Soviet Empire to protect all Russian speakers from persecution and contamination from homosexuals.

I think that this list would be a good beginning. Once this gets going, heads of state from all over the world will be lining up to have the chance to tell American law makers what they’re doing wrong. And, I, as your senator at large, will be there to listen and act upon their sage advice.

congress

Advertisements